In bed, we are all earthlings

It is true that there are differences between men and women, and men and women certainly have different feelings about "sex". There was a view that was once widely circulated: women are from Venus, men are from Mars; women use "sex" to get a relationship, and men use a relationship to get "sex"; what women need is the "companionship" of their sexual partner, and what men need is the "sex" of their sexual partner. Many of us have heard this age-old myth - but how profound are these beliefs? Are they true?

Sexual intercourse with the opposite sex

There is a perception that men are always eager to sleep with any woman, even if she is not very willing; while women are very selective. If this were true, then men should report far more sexual intercourse than women (partly because men are more likely to be clients of sex workers) .

The report found that there were indeed large gender differences in sexual intercourse with the opposite sex among subjects in their teens and twenties. But in the long run, the difference is less clear. Among adults of all ages, men and women report roughly the same proportions of heterosexual intercourse, except that men report slightly higher frequency of intercourse and number of sexual partners than women. In this regard, the actual gender difference is much smaller than many people think.

Age of first sexual intercourse

There is a common belief that, due to the effects of testosterone, young men have their first sexual intercourse at a much earlier age than shy young women. In reality, the gender gap is not as big as people think. Before 1970, the average age of first sexual intercourse was 18 for men and 19 for women. Since the mid-1990s, the average age of first sexual intercourse has been 15 for men and 16 for women.

oral sex

From the period after World War II until the 1960s, oral sex (both male-to-female and female-to-male) represented the forefront of sexual behavior. Oral sex isn’t super common these days, but it’s been tried by a fair number of people—with little gender disparity.

Many studies on oral sex don’t distinguish between “giving” and “receiving” oral sex, but the National Health and Social Life Survey fills in that gap. The survey shows that 77% of men claim that they perform oral sex on their female partners, and 73% of women report that their male partners perform oral sex on them; 68% of women say that they perform oral sex on their male partners, and 79% of men report that their female partners perform oral sex on them. Judging from the data, the gender difference is not that big.

There is no good thing about men

Many people think that restless men will always cheat, but relatively contented women will not. Researching extramarital sex is difficult because many people are reluctant to admit it, even if the survey is anonymous. Yet studies in this area fairly consistently show that about 25% of men and 15% of women engage in extramarital sex—a number that, while highly variable, is probably much smaller than many people imagine.

Masturbation

Like extramarital sex, research on masturbation is difficult because many people are reluctant to admit it or hide the true frequency of their masturbation. Recent research shows smaller gender differences in masturbation than older studies. Yet masturbation remains one of the few areas where gender differences are large. The most reliable estimate is that about 63% of men and 42% of women have masturbated in the past year.

One reason for this difference may be pornography. Pornography is widely available on the Internet. According to porn industry insiders, 80% of viewers are men - watching alone and keeping one hand busy.

Guilt

Historically, women's sexual behavior has been subject to more social restrictions - as women who were considered "unfaithful" were often punished more harshly. Therefore, people would think that women are more likely to feel guilty about sex than men. Research before 1960 showed that this was indeed the case. But after this, the media became less critical of female sexual behavior, women were less restricted to the family, and were able to participate more fully in social life. As a result, women’s feelings of guilt plummeted. Now, the differences between men and women are smaller.

Sexual satisfaction

When it comes to sexual satisfaction, these studies found only slight gender differences, or even no differences at all.

It’s important to emphasize that these findings aren’t drawn from a single study, but from more than 500 studies published over the past 68 years involving thousands of subjects. These conclusions may not be perfect, but the large sample size is still convincing.

It seems that, in general, women are not from Venus and men are not from Mars. Men and women can find more and more common ground when it comes to "sex". In bed, men and women are both from Earth.